Dogs Don't Tell Jokes by Louis Sachar

Author:Louis Sachar [Sachar, Louis]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-307-79712-4
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2011-05-31T16:00:00+00:00

I’m sharp today, he thought. I’m so sharp I have to be careful I don’t cut myself.

He realized he should have been home making up jokes. Now all he’d really have time to do was go home, eat dinner, do his math homework, and finish reading the pirate book.

Well, what’s one day? he thought. One day doesn’t matter. Besides, friends are important too.

He hiked the ball; then Paul knocked him backward.

15.

Gary clapped his hands together. He was alone in his room, except for Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Williams, Jonathan Winters, Woody Allen, and W. C. Fields. “All right,” he said. “Here we go. The funniest jokes in the world!”

He glanced at the book on his desk. He still hadn’t finished reading it, and he had to give his book report in just two days. That’s okay, he thought. He had time.

“A duck walked into a doctor’s office. The doctor said, ‘What seems to be the problem?’ The duck said …

“The duck said …

“What’d the duck say?

“The duck didn’t say anything! He had laryngitis!” Gary rubbed his hands together. “That’s why he went to the doctor! No, not laryngitis. Quack-ingitis! Yeah, that’s funny. Quack-ingitis. No it isn’t.” He sat on his bed. “Okay, no ducks.”

He had expected that he might have a little trouble getting started, since he’d gone two days without making up jokes. No problem. It would take some time to get back in the flow.

Joe and Zack had asked him to play football again after school, but he turned them down.

“You won’t have to play center the whole time,” Joe had promised.

“I can’t,” Gary had said. “I got a stupid book report due Friday, and I haven’t even read the stupid book yet.”

“So, today’s only Wednesday,” said Zack.

“Sorry,” said Gary. “But thanks for asking.”

“Whatever,” said Joe.

He didn’t tell them about having to make up jokes for the talent show. He knew Joe would tell him he was taking it too seriously.

He continued to try to make up jokes. “I went to the doctor today. I said, ‘Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My nose doesn’t smell.’

“He told me to take a shower. He said, ‘Your nose may not smell, but the rest of you sure stinks!’ ”

He shook his head. “Well, that joke stinks anyway.

“ ‘How’d you break your nose?’ ‘I walked into a door.’ ‘Didn’t you look where you were going?’ ‘I didn’t think it was necessary. The door’s usually open. Some idiot must have closed it.’ ”

He thought that was a good idea for a joke, but it just didn’t sound funny when he said it. Joe wouldn’t think it was funny.

That became the new test. After each joke, Gary tried to decide if Joe would think it was funny.

“ ‘Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My nose has turned into a flower. What should I do?’ ‘Take two aspirin and water it twice a week.’ ”

No, Joe wouldn’t like it.

“ ‘Doctor, my mouth has turned into a flower bed. It has tulips.’ ”

No, Joe …

“ ‘Doctor, you’ve got to help me.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.